Every year my husband and I throw what we would consider a pretty kick-ass New Years party.  Jim, the consummate cook, creates his most yummy creations of shrimp bisque, coconut shrimp, Scully’s chicken wings, steak fondue (with a plethora of dippings to fit every taste) and chocolate fondue for dessert.  After the food has pretty much made even our fat jeans tight, we will play board games, maybe even sing karaoke, and just have a fun time chatting it up with friends.  In the background will be Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Years Eve (sadly to replaced by Ryan Seacrest – who honestly does an outstanding job).  After the last shrimp has been grazed from the plate and the bottles of wine have been emptied it gets louder, funnier and sillier.  My husband and I have usually a private (although sometimes with an audience – my Dad, the “Yea!” man) air guitar session very similar to this one.  One year Jim got so into his role as Pete Townsend, complete with walking stick air guitar, he came eerily close to plunging his axe through the Marshall Stack he was bumping into.  He was only snapped into reality when I screamed, “Jim stop!” and he saw that he was about to destroy our big screen TV.  Yes, it gets that intense on “stage.”

This year, we thought would be more of the wonderful same but as our guest list starts to dwindle we begin to question wether it was really as great at entertaining as we thought, or other people just started to suck.   I have to believe the latter is true.  At around 7 o’clock we will have a house full of people, gleefully eating of Jim’s creations.  But at around 9 it seems our guest have other (I hear better) parties to go to.  We are the revolving doors of NYE parties.  Or better, the concession stand.  Come, eat our of our bountiful goods and then LEAVE!  No, I’m not bitter.  It’s better this way. Now, no one can stop us from doing a third round of Tommy !

Before Jim and I had children we talked hours and hours about our philosophies on every aspect of parenting to discipline, to sleeping arrangements, to how to have the “bird and the bees” talk.  We both were adamant, we did not want our children in our bed with us.  This is a topic that has been debated so thoroughly that I could scream but that is not what I am hoping to spark with this.  I am simply saying, for me and my family it is the way it is and the way it works.  Each child goes to bed in his or her bed and Jim and i sleep together in our bed.  It was something that was a bit difficult to establish, especially when I was nursing and getting up every 2-4 hours but we stuck to our plan and it has paid off.

Another thing we spoke about thoroughly and agreed on was to maintain our marriage; to cultivate it like a good gardener cultivates his crop.  We purposely take time away from our children to spend eye to eye in conversations and in love.  I want to show my kids what a marriage is supposed to be like.  I want to model a good relationship so that when they are searching for their spouse they do not settle on good enough.  My mother and father have been married for 43 years but I really never felt they were in love with one another.  I remember seeing them hug a few times but there was no real emotion there.  Every child wants their Mom and Dad to be in love (even if you do not want to think about it – yuck!)  I almost settled on good enough before I met my husband.  I thought the love that you read about, the love that is all encompassing, the love that is so strong it can bring you to tears was simply a fantasy.  I am so blessed that I found my husband and the love of my life and know for a fact that that love does indeed exist.  I want…..need….my children to know that.

Our biggest agreement was that we wanted them to know we would die for them.  That they were the most precious, loved and important people in our life.  But, that the world does not revolve around them nor do we.  These parents who run themselves literally ragged because each child is in 3 different extracurricular activities is an example of what I am talking about.  If there is a show on that we want to watch, we will watch it and if the kids want to watch something else, tough.  You either watch it with us (if appropriate) or go down stairs and watch something else.  They are not at the helm of this ship and I know later in life this lesson will serve them well.  They will not enter this world thinking they are owed something from society or the world.  They must earn it.

Now, I have to say, we are in the infancy of this young family and we have passed several of the tests we knew would come.  I obviously do not have all the answers.  If in 25 years I have one in prison and one still living at home I will say “I WAS WRONG” but at least we have a plan.  It is the most important task God has ever give us, or any person, which is to raise these little beings into productive, happy, healthy and independent people.  Without a plan, I fear we would lose course and make bad decisions.  Do not make life altering decisions by the seat of your pants.  Make a plan and stick to it. Now, if I can only head my own suggestions.

We may be screwing our kids up by the methods we have decided to utilize.  If that is true, we will be ROYALLY messing them up since we plan to homeschool.  Those poor poor kids…..lol

I know, I know.  Anyone who takes the time to read this blog is probably getting tired of me writting about my new found passion, getting in shape.  But, I have to say, I am finally seeing a difference.  It is small, probably invisible to the anyone else but to my naked eye I see my belly is BIT smaller.  My energy level is much higher and I don’t get as winded going up and down my stairs here at home.  Small victories but just what I need to stay motivated.

My family and I are heading south to Cape Canaveral in February.  I plan on feeling good enough about my body that I can wear a bathing suit and not feel like I need to put sunscreen on just to avoid the white lines I used to get because even the suns rays couldn’t penetrate to the darkest spaces between my rolls of fat.

Long live me!

To the right of this blog you will see a list of blogs I read (when I should be doing laundry).  Of those blogs one of my absolute favorites is www.dooce.com.  The chick (Heather Armstrong) is just a comedic genius.  I honestly do “LOL” every time I read her blog.  I only wish I could have a smidgen of her writing ability along with the events in life that lend themselves to a good story.  Maybe she is just better able to spot those blog-worthy moments in her life.  Another talent I seem to lack.

Something else that Heather has started is a cool, collaborative work with other Mom bloggers at something called Momversations.  As a slice of moms from all over this big, weird country they create such a quirky, sort of nutty and completely entertaining show.  They talk about relevant topics from baby weight, to celebrity news, sex after baby, and of course their vagina’s.  (Most women who have pushed an eight pound slimy being out of their who-ha in front of a doctor, 2 nurses, her husband, mom, sister, 4 friends, and 2 cousins see this as a not-so-taboo topic.  It becomes community property and thus a valid topic for discussion.)  The short shows reminds me of what me and my girlfriends talk about when we are refereeing our play dates.  These girls are just a lot wittier and quicker on their toes than we are (but they have the opportunity of multiple takes!)

The ladies on this “vlog” (or video blog.  What would you call it?) are truly the clique at the cool kid table in the cafeteria.  You sit with your friends eating your mystery meat just trying to read their lips so you can get the scoop on what is happening.  Then you go back to class and tell your neighbor “Guess what?!  Natalie is getting ready to dump Josh” with cool confidence like it is first hand knowledge.  They are the awesome few who go to Blog Her and people actually know who they are and know their blogs.  If I ever got the opportunity to go to Blog Her it will only be as a star-struck onlooker just hoping to find some niche in which I could plug myself into become a “sorta known” blogger.  But, since I will never go, I will have to settle as a hobbyist who has less page views than www.pongworld.com.

Just go and check it out.  Especially if you are a Mom with sleep deprivation, a weight problem, and a sick sense of humor like myself.

In my quest to look better naked I have started doing several things.  Jim is acting as my and my friend Courtney‘s personal trainer.  The type of trainer who just happens to be getting in shape right along with his “clients.”  We do some sort of cardio workout 5 days a week and strength training 3 days.  Weekends off.  First off, let me qualify myself as a “never worked out before” type of girl.  In my previous life, I only ran if someone chased me with a weapon or announced “free cheesecake!”  So, this is no small thing in my life.  I am serious about getting in shape, being healthy, and living a long active life with my husband and kids.  Maybe it is because I turned 30 this year.  I tend to think it has more to do with getting winded from a game of “Ring Around the Rosie” and having to shop in the “Big Women’s” section at the store.  Have you seen those clothes?  I have seen drapes with more flare!

One of the homework assignments the Nazi trainer gave us was to find a motivational picture of what we are working towards.  We will put it in our binder and look at it every day.  As I was scouring the net looking for good pictures of Sharon Case and Vail Bloom (both of The Young and the Restless) I realized, my motivation really has little to do with what I will look like.  Sure, I would love to get back into my size 7 jeans and have someone besides the Hespanic men look twice at me, but honestly, I just want to be able to wake up energized.  I do not want to take a nap in the middle of the day just to make it to bedtime.  I want to be able to play with my kids longer than just a couple of laps of tag.  I want my husband to see me across the room and think, “Damn, she’s hot.”  Oh wait, he already does.  Gotta love a chubby chaser.

I am so blessed to have Jim and Courtney to help motivate me.  They make it fun.  They make it something I actually look foward to.  Well, that and the idea of having the opportunity to have 2 full hours without the kids pulling my hair and screaming for sippies.  Plus, there is prime people watching to be done at a gym.  You have the old men who come around 9 am after just having drank coffee together and gossipping at the White Steamer.  They wear jeans.  Something about that is weird.  Then there are the Mennonite women in their long cotton skirts and doilies on their pony tails.  Our most sought after show is definitely the psycho woman who goes 10 mile and hour on the elliptical machine.  Good fun.

Today was weigh in day.  I have to admit, I was shocked that 1.) I weighed as much as two jr. high children 2.) I weighed in front of God and everybody right there in the gym 3.) I didn’t really care.  I look forward to the future when I can see that my goals are becoming a reality.

Oh, and I have to do my homework so here are my motivational pictures:

Sharon Case

Vail Bloom

But honestly, I would be perfectly peachy to have the body I had back in the day.  I am guessing having two children has made my hips physically wider but I can deal with that.  Jim says the hippier the better.  That’s good.  Makes me want long hair again too.  My friend Elizabeth who is a hair dresser says big 80′s hair is coming back so a perm may be in my future.  I know that will make Jim happy too.

Yea, that's me....sniff

Why didn't I just maintain??

So, being as I don’t have enough to do with raising a 2.5 and 1.5 year old child, going to the gym every day, keeping my house in order, etc etc etc I thought, “Hey, it would be fun to try my hand at CSS (cascading style sheets – Google it) and construct my own blog theme?”  Two days into this and I am starting to think this may have been a bit overzealous on my part.  I have found a theme I mostly like but would like to tweak a few things.  Easy enough, I thought.  Hard work is done for me, I say.  Good God, it took me an hour to move the little “contact” envelope to the left and the “subscribe” to the right so they could be seen and not hidden in the banner.  I have to admit, the sense of accomplishment I felt once I did, was great.  I shouted across the room, “Yes!  I rule!”  Spooking my husband who was lost in his own Internet obsession.

Now there are only a few things I’m looking to change.  But, they can come later and if they never do, so be it.  I just wanted to get back to the real fun of blogging and that’s actually blogging.  Several new developments have happened in my little boring life but I’ll save those for a later post.  Nothing earth shattering but it has altered my life a bit.

Stay tuned and let me know what you think of the new digs!

Just an observation.  I have the privilege to be friends with several hip and tech savvy preachers.  They have Facebook accounts which also means they update their status and profile picture.  I’ve noticed, as did Jim, they love not only the sitcom “The Office” but more specifically the character Dwight Schrute.  I too am a fan of the funniest, non-animated show on television staring the hilarious Steve Carell  .  But, it seems to be a bit of an obsession with these guys.  It’s hilariously entertaining!  Anyone else make these same observations?  Just curious if this is a geographical thing or a theological thing.

That’s me and I wear that crown proudly.  Last night I celebrated my 30th birthday with 30 of my closest friends.  The pre-party was a local (and yummy) Mexican restaurant.  I got some pretty risque gifts like “Stripper Pills – release your inner pole dancer” and “Glow in the Dark Lubricant.”  Practical gifts like hand sanitizer and Tide To Go Pen.  There were “grown up” presents like a cute pair of angels from my friend Tess and my Mom got me fleece sheets (ahhhhhh).   And a silly gift that was used all night: a shiny pink and silver crown that read, “Birthday Bitch.”   (thanks Joanna!!)  Yes, I wore it the entire night.

I think the gifts I received are what I am and who I have become over the past 30 years.  I’m lighthearted and love to laugh.  I tend to enjoy the between the sheets athletics with my husband.  I am practical and have grown up.  But, not to the detriment of just relaxing and having a good time.  In my last post I spoke about how I didn’t want to take things or myself too seriously when I turned 30 like it seemed so many I knew had done.  I hope I managed to walk that fine line between being a responsible, bill paying, mother and wife and a fun-loving, social drinking, always laughing, woman who loves life and those she chooses to share it with.

I had such a wonderful time last night.  The perfect way to spend my 30th birthday and I thank my Mr. Tolerable for throwing me a wonderful party.  The friends, wine, karaoke and chicken wings were all fantastic and you are the love of my life now at 30 and forevermore.

The 18th of this month will mark the anniversary of my entrance into this world.  I remember every year on my birthday Mom telling me the story of my birth and the exciting happenings that soon followed.  If she forgot, I would be sure to remind her.  I am the youngest and the only girl.  The gap between my closest brother and myself is 7 years.  I think you know where I am going with this….I was spoiled beyond measure or reason.  I had a happy-go-lucky childhood.  I had the best Mom in the world and it is because of her I am the mother I am today.  I had the best roll model anyone could have.  From birth to about 18 I was a happy girl who knew what she wanted in and out of life.  My how things can change.

I remember being a youthfully stupid 20 year old and thinking how far away 30 seemed.  I would look at “grown ups” around me and think, “30 year old people are just so…..old.”  They had mortgages, jobs, kids, responsibilities and took everything seriously.  I didn’t want to be that way when I turned 30.  I think I did ALL of them except maybe the last.  But, honestly, if this past year is any indication of what my 30′s are going to be like this is the most awesome time of my life.  These are the good ol’ days.

When I was turning 20 I was dating Mr. Good Guy and confused about where my path would lead me.  I was lost, confused, sad and empty.  College was just something to pass the time.  I look at it now as 4 expensive years of extended high school.  Of course, when looking at pictures of my 135 lbs self and can’t help but think, “That would be nice.”  The body is really the only thing I would like to go back to.  But, I know I have “spread out” as my dad would say, due to carrying two beautiful children for 9 months.  The stretch marks, saggy boobs, and big butt are just a few of the rights of passage of being what I am today; a mom.  My dream.  I know some of the Gloria Steinem’s out there say that I am not living to my full potential.  That women for centuries have been fighting so I would not have to “lesson” myself and stay home barefoot and pregnant.  I agree with part of that.  Women have been fighting so that all women have the choice of what they want to do with their lives.  I choose, and relish, being a stay-at-home mother and wife. It’s a little out-of-date.  Probably not hip or cool.  But, I love it.  And, just to toot my own horn a bit, I’m pretty durn good at it.  My husband often tells me I am the most natural mother he’s ever seen.  To that I answer, “nothing I’ve ever done has ever felt so right.”  It’s like breathing.

And to think that there were several years when I did not know if I would ever to realize my dream.  It took over my every thought and prayer.  A commercial, a song, a pregnant lady at the grocery store were all reminders of what I did not have.  My mid 20′s were full of doubt, anger, frustration and sadness because of the infertility.  I was so happy to have found my soul mate.  Until I met Mr. Tolerable I thought the love that songs are written about and movies portray was something made up.  As soon as I meet my soul mate I understood what love was.  But, there was a big piece of the puzzle missing; a family.  It was a depressing and lonely time but I learned so much about myself and what was really important that I know I am blessed for the struggles we faced.

If there was one thing I would like to go back to during that time it would be the quiet times with just Mr. Tolerable and I.  The trips we went on.  The laughter we had as a young couple with no children to chase after, keep us awake at night, or discipline.

But the 30′s, so far, seem so wonderful I just want to press the pause button on the dial of life.  My children are old enough to not need me 24 hours a day but young enough to need me most of the time.  My best friend and husband is working from home and spending so much more time with us.  We have a cute house by the park in a nice little town.  I have great friends, a wonderful family, and an ever growing faith in Jesus.

I am in the process of getting back that 135 lbs body from my 20′s so there will be nothing from that time I want to go back to.  I am about 3 weeks into “Project: Bringing Sexy Back.”  Here is my semi before picture.  Wish me luck!  Happy Birthday and Life to me!

People who know me, know I am a goofball.  But from time to time I like to get serious. The last two blog posts were my serious side…now I’d like to get back to the goof side.  It’s a lot more fun.

My goal this year is to buy ALL my Christmas gifts online or through a catalog.  I wish I could say it was because I want to avoid the big crowds at the stores. But, in all honesty, I just LOVE getting packages delivered to me.  When the UPS, DHL or FedEx truck goes by and doesn’t stop at my door, I feel a level of sadness I’m sure  is unhealthy for an adult to have over something so trivial.  And when I hear the screech of the breaks on that big brown truck I rush down the stairs like I am meeting a long lost relative.  The mixed feelings I have when I have missed the truck and have a package on my porch are, I’m sure, certifiable.  It just does not bring the rush that having a packaged handed to me from the guy in the ugly brown shorts affords.

Just yesterday my friend, Ben, from the UPS truck made a stop at my home to deliver a LARGE box. I knew instantly what it was.  My baby girl’s Christmas present.  I found a large lot on ebay that I could not pass up. There is not a little girl I know who would not love to get this:

Big Lot of Fisher Price Sweet Streets Buildings, People and accessories

I am pretty confident that I am compensating for my childhood dreams of having an elaborate dollhouse with all the perfect furniture and rugs.  I had a great childhood but there were two things I never got that I always wanted: a dollhouse and tap/ballet lessons.  I cannot wait until Christmas arrives and she walks down the hallway and sees this miniature city waiting for her little hands to manipulate.  I only wish Santa would not get all the glory but that is the selfish side of me rearing it’s ugly head.

Next year?  Dance classes…