Although in my heart I will still be

Writing nonsense

I won’t be able to put them down on paper

Or a screen.

Plan to return from a family trip

Full of stories.

In the meantime remember me like this

Here but not quite.

How many of you out there caught the Republican National Convention and saw the speech that Sarah Palin gave as she accepted the nomination as the candidate for the Vice President for the United States?  Evidently 21.5 million of you did.  Did anyone else have this conversation with their husband in response to it?

Me:  I need new glasses.  I guess I’ll set up an appointment tomorrow morning.

Hubby: Huph

Me:  Think I would look good in glasses like Sarah Palin’s?

Hubby:  I thought they were pretty hot.

Me:  Wonder what kind they are.

Hubby:  Wonder how many other women in America are asking that same question.

Then the next day we see this article.  I guess I’m not the only one wanting to look hot AND be taken seriously in glasses.  Something I think Palin pulls of with her look.  Think I, too, could pull it off.?  Not that it matters as I’m not about to drop $400 on frames alone.  Just a hypothetical question really.

(AND YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE ONE OF THE BORING POLITICAL BLOG POSTS!)

I have been at my Mother and Father’s house for about a week along with Mr. Tolerable and the kiddos.  It was sort of like an extended vacation since the hubby is sans employment at the moment.  We have never really had the opportunity to join in on the weekly Friday night bon fire parties that spontaneously ignite when the fire does.  It would drive Jim crazy to hear about all the fun that was had in his absence since he was the sucka who had to get up and go to work every stinking Saturday and Sunday.  Well, he now is even more pissed about it because we had so much fun these past few weekends.  I laughed so hard one night I think I counted 3 times I had to use my inhaler (the measure by which I decide how good of a time I had).  My brother cooked a brisket and we ate Aces High Corn on the cob.   Then we all stood around as my brother cooked up his second try at home-brewed beer.  It’s so neat to see everything that goes into it - the levels have to be just right.  Add the hops “NOW”. Check the temp often then make sure you get the temperature down FAST so it doesn’t get an infection.  I learned so much just standing there and the men just seemed mesmerized by the whole process.  I lost interest and found my way to where the women were collected but once someone brought up menopause I found myself back at the beer garden with the men.

One of the things I worried about when I was pregnant with my children was that I would cease to be and I would totally and wholly become a Mother - forgetting all the things I previously enjoyed.  Turning into those cliche over sized SUV-with-the-little-stick-family-on-the-back-window-driving Mommies.  It seems that I have successfully done both!  I have little problem leaving my kids with my Mother for several days while I go and get my redneck groove on camping at a Nascar event.  I love the feeling of getting my kiddos fed, bathed and safely tucked in bed.  Then turn the monitor on to go out back and sit around a fire-drinking, laughing and cutting up until as late as midnight (aren’t you impressed?) LOL.  But, on a regular Monday morning if you were behind me on the road as I make my trek to my normal playdate you would see this picture on the back glass of my Excursion.  So, any of you preggos out there reading this, or those unfortunate women out there who have let themselves be engulfed by the wonderful envelope known as children, I am proof that it can be done.  You can still be a sexy woman with a good social life, great sex life, AND a fantastic mother.  Don’t buy into the lie that in order to be a good Mom you have you stop all things about you.  You are still your husband’s woman and lover.  Your bed should be the location for risque acts of love not only a social landing point for everyone in the house.  You are still your friend’s choice for a dinner, coffee, or a good laugh.  You are still you.  And thank God, I am still me.

I guess I am what you would call and auditory learner.  I love audio books and podcasts.  Most days while my kids are napping you will find me busy at housework with ear buds tucked nicely in my ears.   Oddly enough, I have noticeably small ears.  My grandma used to tell the story about when I was born my ears were like my Dad’s; no bigger than a fingernail.  That does not seem to affect their ability to distinguish voices at such accuracy that it is actually something I am known for in my family.

While watching ANY animated TV show I can tell you, with stunning accuracy, who is performing the characters’ voices (if the actor or person is well known).  Sometimes it get really creepy when the person is NOT well known but does multiple characters on several different and separate shows and I recognize it.  I will say something like, “The guy who does the voice for Ed the Frog on this Musical Baby DVD is the same guy who plays the giant in Jack’s Big Music Show.”  A search on Google will confirm my golden ears have struck again with eerie accuracy.

Why on Earth, if I have to a talent, does it have to be so useless?  I always dreamed of being a singer.  Adored by fans.  Showered with fame and fortune.  Instead I sit on my couch and recognize that the guy who plays Fez from That 70’s Show does the voice for Handy Manny!!  No one cheers.  No one pays me.

How stupid and useless.

I’m not the most religious person in the world.  I’m a Christian, that is true, but I have a hard time spouting phrases like,

“What great fellowship we had.”

“That song really spoke to me.”

“I feel I’m being led by God to  ________.”

There are times, though, when I cannot ignore the “Old Man” as my hubby likes to call him.  My family is going through what should be total turmoil but I believe God will provide for us (another phrase I usually would not spout).  Today Mr. Tolerable called me and said his boss told him he did not have to work out his full 30 days he gave for notice he was leaving.  Honestly, we were hoping that would happen because it does not affect his pay and allows him to spend some time with the family before he starts a new job.  The HR department has assured him his commissions that are due to him for the next 3 months are his regardless.

On this same day, Mr. T also found a position that he is so excited about.  He has already submitted his resume  It is at a local horse racing track as an administrative manager.  I know it might sound like something not everyone would be excited about but for my husband it is a great opportunity.  There are MANY responsibilities such as hiring, firing, organizing, training and (his favorite part) making sure accommodations are made for the horsemen, owners and trainers.  He will get to meet (if he got the position) those that he reads about and looks up to.  It would be the “in” that he has been looking for.

I have a hard time believing this is all coincidence.  If I were to make a made up position that I wanted my husband for, I would have put almost the same things as what was on this position AND it’s at a horse racing track.  Divine intervention?

As I type this, Mr. Tolerable is packing up his belongings from his office to come home.  Saying goodbye to a job that he did well, very well.  One that only a year ago he enjoyed.  But after almost 7 years, going through ups and down.  The original company being bought by a bigger “better” company.  We can both finally say, “Good bye and GOOD RIDDANCE.”

Do you out there think God works that way?  That He creates opportunities for us?  Or, are we just reading into these events and since we like them we think they are from Him?  Have you ever had God show you a path to take and DID IT?  What was the outcome and do you regret anything you did?  Did you ever NOT do something that you now see probably was an opportunity opened up by God Himself?  Why did you not follow that path?  What happened afterward?  I guess I am just looking for someone out there to confirm to me that we are not completely insane!

Maybe I am just full of ignorant optimism and in a couple of months we will be living in my parents back yard in our camper eating Ramen noodles and beans.  Maybe then I could break out my plastic high heels and bracelets and head down to my local Wal-Mart and apply for a job.  Heck knows I’ll be there enough with my dirty, shoeless, shirtless kids buying my Camel Lights while my kids scream that they want a WWE Nascar toy.  Nothing against people who work or shop at Wal-Mart; I go there all the time.  That is why I know what the patrons look like.

I know I haven’t updated in a while but I have been at my Mother and Fathers for some time and am now back to my version of normal.  Nothing to post now but I will be updating soon.  Hope I didn’t lose anyone during my sabbatical.

Am I the only one that feels on some days I have this whole mothering thing figured out and on other ones I am thinking “I suck at this” ?  Today is a good day.  Kids didn’t watch “too much” television.  They ate decent breakfasts and were changed and dressed by 10am.  We went out to eat at a local Mexican restaurant and the kids were angles.  We even got praise from an older couple sitting a booth over about how well mannered our two were (never happened before!!)  Then we went to the library where I let Jackson and Alex pick out some books to read and picked up a book on CD for myself.  (Just as a side note and because I think it’s a cool idea - I am ripping that CD to my computer and then putting it on my iPod so I have that to listen to as I clean house).  The kids and the husband are all napping right now and I am about to commence at folding the baskets of CLEAN laundry I have waiting for me.  Then we are headed to the park for the “Back to School Bash” where there will be firetrucks for Jackson to climb on and in, games and fun to be had.  I’m sounding like a good Mom at this point right?

Yesterday…..(Let me qualify the following paragraph by saying we just returned from vacation and I had a ton of laundry, cleaning and dishes to do to make this house livable again - when I work I have ear buds in my ears at all times).  The kids never did get out of their pajamas and that’s what they slept in again last night.  For breakfast Jackson had pretzels and juice.  Alex, a more sensible meal of butter cookies.  They watched TV for approximately 4 hours throughout the day while I was cleaning and either on the phone or listening to podcasts.  We didn’t go outside.  We didn’t really play together much and the kids were left to fend for themselves in the way of entertainment all day long  except for a break where I let the kids finger paint.  In order for me to sweep and mop our upstairs hard wood floor I had to lock them in Jackson’s room for about 30 minutes (checking often).  What was for lunch?  Um…..Jackson took it upon to make a “sammich.”  It consisted of a hamburger bun, and well…nothing else.  Alex begged off of him.  Sippies all around though!  I then fixed hamburgers and mac ‘n’ cheese for supper but all Jackson wanted was pickles.  Alex did eat part of a hot dog.  At the end of the night I didn’t give them a bath as is customary but I figured they hadn’t DONE anything to get dirty so why bother.  (Oddly enough they both fell asleep better and faster than ever before!)

So, am I the only one who feels like a shinning star on one day and like the worse mother on the planet the next?

I attend a rather large church in my hometown.  It isn’t large in comparison to some of the “mega churches” in the bigger cities but for this area it is large with attendance usually around 1200 people.  When we moved to this town we searched for a church we could call “home.”  We entered several “traditional” churches and never felt a match.  I remember going in one and only talking to the secretary (as the preacher was gone).  Later that evening when we got home we had a message from the preacher saying he thought his church was a perfect fit for us and for us to call him back.  We chuckled since he had never even met us or talked to us.  I finally talked my husband into going to the “big church on the highway.”  He was afraid it was one of those “weird” churches where people lurch in the aisles and talk in tongues.  I kept assuring him that a church THAT big wouldn’t be “weird.”  It has to be somewhat mainstream in order to get that big of a congregation.  I was right in my assumption.  We walked in on a Wednesday and told them we were new in town and looking for a church.  The secretary introduced us to a man by the name of Alan.  He was wearing blue jeans and was completely laid back.  He gave us a tour of the church, explaining their goal to “reach lost people and guide them to a personal relationship with Christ.”  He also said that even if this church wasn’t a fit for us he wanted to help us find one in town that was.  That struck us so deep.  He was more worried that we find a church than stay in HIS church.  He spent almost an hour with us and listened to us.  We decided to give it a try that Sunday.  Much to our surprise Alan was the lead pastor and was giving the message that day.  We looked at each other in disbelief because we had no idea who this man was who was spending all that time with us.  We assumed he had SOMETHING to do with the church but we never would have thought it was the lead pastor - he was so normal, so real, and so unlike any other preacher we had every met or talked to.  Then to listen to this man’s sermons….wow.  He was really concerned with lost people and the congregation showed it.  It was an audience of misfits.  Divorced men and women, recovering drug addicts and alcoholics, and your regular lost person (like you and me).  We instantly felt we had found our church home.  The love for Christ, the focus on him, and helping everyone cultivate a PERSONAL relationship with Him was awesomely overwhelming at times.  The church grew and grew.  The vision of the pastor, Alan, was to reach 10% 30,000 lost people in our county (so 3000 people for all your mathematically challenged out there).

Before we reached that goal, Alan said he was feeling the calling to go out to Colorado to grow new churches.  The percentages of unchurched and lost people there were staggering.  So, he left.  It was a sad day but we all new Jesus Christ had not left the building so we would be fine.  Fast forward a year and a few months and we were still without a lead pastor.  The family and small groups pastors stepped in to give sermons as well as guest speakers but all the upheavel had made the attendance dwendal.  My family and I weathered the storm and kept attending.  There were rumors that they had pastors lined up to come in and do a “trial” sermon on which the congregation would vote wether they would become our head pastor or not.  Never did that happen….

The congregation grew so hungry for a leader, so willing to just do SOMETHING to create some normalcy to the state of things again, that when they did finally find someone to apply for the job the congregation (in my opinion) rushed to accept him.  He is a good man.  A good father.  A good friend.  But, a leader with a vision that he has the ability to follow through with?  I don’t think so.  I guess we weren’t the only ones that had this opinion.  The congregation numbers continued to drop and more people began to voice their concerns about the “spirit” of the church.  The elders made the decision to “move in a different direction” and asked him to step down from lead pastor to small groups.  He declined and left.

I am with the rest of the congregation who thinks the WAY the elders came to their decision did seem rash.  The congregation was so surprised with the news.  It was probably not the best way to do it but I also don’t know how else they could have done it.  Would it have been right to tell the congregation, “We are putting your pastor on probation and if he doesn’t shape up he’s gone?”  I’m sure he (the pastor) knew that the elders and (most of) the congregation weren’t happy with the state of things and he was notified as much.  It would have probably been unfair to let us know that.  He would have felt like he had a magnifying glass on him and worried about everything he said and did.  So, I just don’t know how else the elders could have done what they did.  It’s a rough situation for everyone.

So, once again we are sans leader.  Rumors are flying around this little town like wildfire that Alan is showing interest in coming back and has even had a couple of interviews with elders.  There are some totally seperate issues going on with him and why he left.  He has told me in emails that he knows now that him leaving was nothing short of the age old sin of pride.  He thought he had outgrown our little church and he should move on to bigger and better things.  He has had a rough few years learning this lesson.  I just pray that the congregation can accept him as the “prodical son” with open arms and forgive him for his humaness.  I am so impressed that he would admit this that I am ready to have him back and let him finish what he started here - to get that 10% of lost people in this county to find Christ.  Only time will tell if the elders and the church will have him back.  From the conversations I’ve had with other members, we are willing to forget and forgive and move on to growing the kingdom.  Now if only the politics don’t get in the way…..

So, I was correct in my prediction that we would, indeed, perform as The Who in front of an audience.  What I didn’t predict was that we would put on a show for more than the smiling faces of our kids in their pictures.  For some reason (blame it on the Quervo they say) we decided it would be a good idea to go outside under the canopy.  We brought our laptop out and hooked speakers to it.  Good sound really.  It was a nice night and since RVers are notorious for being OUTSIDE their RV’s (even the people with the $200K ones - I don’t get it) we had a captive, live, and REAL audience.  But, we didn’t care.  We were rocking out and loving it. It’s ok though, because they were all drunk too.

Water bottle can be a mic or guitar.

During intermission of our show, we decided (OK I decided) we needed to smoke.  Just so you know, I don’t smoke.  Mr. Tolerable doesn’t smoke.  But, I thought just because we were so cool the only thing that would make us cooler would be a cigarette.  Mr. T was adamant about not letting me bum one or two off a fan neighbor.  So, we walked down the highway to a gas station and just bought a whole pack.  By now I am feeling pretty good and for some reason am having a hard time walking a strait line.  Mr. T was able to help me along the way.  Through clinched teeth he would say to me, “Don’t say anything to anyone.” as we would pass other Nascar people who were also feeling no pain and looking for conversation.  We get to the gas station that has a line of Harley Davidson’s in front of it.  We look through the window of the store and what do we see?  A police officer standing at the counter chatting it up with the gas station attendant.  “Shit” I say - I could just see us getting a public intox slapped on us and was doing my best to pretend I wasn’t drunk.  Have you ever tried that?  It’s hard.  I suggest to Mr. T, “I’ll just stand out here (in the parking lot).  You go in and get the cigarettes.”  I was answered with a resounding, “Absolutely not.  You stay with me and don’t say anything to anyone.”  We are in and out with no problem. Phew, close one.  LOL.

Trying to not look drunk - didn't work.

This is the a red-eyed raving banshee I spoke of.

I got the camera out when we got back and was sitting on Mr. T’s lap snapping a few shots.  The picture to the right will show me as the lunatic I am and my husband doing his impersonation of Zoolander?  I really don’t know what we were doing but we were having fun.  After a while, we bored of the outdoor stage as people were finally finding their way into their houses on wheels.  We decided we would go in as well.  I mean, what fun is it to sing, “My Generation” and windmill your “guitar” if no one is there to laugh at watch you?

That’s where this story ends for you.  But, let’s just say MY story does not end until 3:30am - that’s right folks.  Single people don’t have ALL the good sex.  Thank you very much.

Jim The Tolerable and I are doing something we both LOOOOVE right now. No, besides that - jeeze people, get your heads out of the “R” rated section.

Location: Indianapolis Motor Speedway, RV, dining room table

Activity:  Each at respective laptops using an EVDO card to surf and post all at high speed.

Why we love it: We are geeks first and foremost.  But, what makes it even more awesome is that my Mom has the kids.  The weather is absolutely perfect.  A little nippy with the windows open tonight but no need to run the A/C.  Time alone and time together…..and it couldn’t have come at a better time (read this if you don’t know what I mean).

This Sunday is the 15th running of the Brickyard 400 mile race at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.  My husband has been coming since it’s inaugural race.  He is an avid fan of not only motor sports but more specifically this speedway.  I honestly just come for the vacation.  Well and the good wine, conversation and laughter we both have here.  It is at this racetrack we remember why we liked each other so much in the first place.  It’s easy to forget there is someone on the other side of the table when you have one child throwing a cold mac n’ cheese down your shirt and another one screaming “Itsy Bitsy Spider.”  We reconnect here (in more ways then one - you can return to the gutter now) and the cars are just a plus for him.

We have a tradition that we both look forward to when we come here; our air guitar session with The Who.  After a few glasses of wine, and he, a few Coors Lights, we always end up with a broom and a hair brush jumping around and making the RV rock.  From the outside it would look as if we were newlyweds but a peak through the windows would reveal two drunk friends, who happen to be married, lost in their fantasies of being Roger Daltrey (Me) and Pete Townshend (Jim).  And boy are we good.  The crowd (AKA pictures of the kids) roar.  The chemistry we have on “stage” is golden.  But, that’s tomorrow.

Tonight is a totally relaxing, unwinding time to just kick back and surf, post and read totally uninterrupted.  I have commented on 12 blogs tonight and responded to all 7 comments I had (the most I’ve ever had in one night - thank you ICLW girls!).  This is therapy and just what the doctor ordered.

Come back in a few days - hubby doesn’t know it but I’m going to sneak a few pictures of us air guitaring and post them.  Ok, I take that back, I might post them.  If I look like a 400 lb, red-eyed, raving banshee I reserve the right to withhold them.