Organized Discombobulation

Mr. Tolerable, My life

Have you ever head the saying, “An insane person never questions their sanity?”  If that’s true I must be the most sane person on the planet because I question my level of lucidity daily.  It doesn’t help that I recently decided I no longer need to be on the antidepressants that were prescribed to me when I was going through infertility treatments.  It was a hard time in my life and I found myself in a dark hole.  The medication helped tremendously.  Now, however, I am the blessed mother of two beautiful, healthy little rug rats.  My thinking was that I no longer need that medicine.  But, being the “jump first look later” woman I am, I just stopped taking it.  Fast forward a week or so and I was suffering from nausea, headaches, exhaustion, and moodiness.  When these symptoms didn’t go away and the home pregnancy test alleviated the thoughts I had of pregnancy, I Google, “going off Prozac” and turns out there are all kinds of warnings about going off of it cold turkey.  Wish I would have read that BEFORE I decided to stop taking it.

I waited another week (we are now up to 3 weeks) and saw my family doctor.  Honestly though, I didn’t really go to the doctor about the Prozac withdraws, I went because my asthma had come back full force from the days of my childhood.  I had started using my rescue inhaler 4-6 times a day, using a nebulizer at night before bed, and awakened in the night with attacks as well.  They put me on Advair – all is well.  Haven’t had to use my inhaler or nebulizer once since I started taking it.  Awesome.  Anywhoooo……while I was at the doctors office I told them about how I had gone off of Prozac cold turkey.  I was warned about it but they realized it was too late for that and said that there is nothing they can do now since it had been 3 weeks.  Had I gone in when I wanted to go off of it they would have put me on a decreasing dosage regimen.  I would take a total of 2-3 months to be fully off of it.  So, their advice was to just grin and bear it – the worse was almost over. So, I still have headaches, nausea, dizziness, moodiness, and just feel like crap.

Meanwhile, externally things are not doing much better.  My father-in-law passed away last week.  I had grown to love this funny old man.  He reminded me so much of my husband that it was hard not to see how much he had influenced and created the man that I hold so dear.  Funerals, Catholic Mass, prayers, and tears followed his death but also a lot of laughter.  As my husband and his two siblings went through his belongings we were all surprised amused at the level of organization this man had in everything he had.  From cassette tapes, to videos, to his check book.  We found ledgers dating back in the 50’s!  All in order, all together in a box.  He had a plan for everything.  Nothing happened by chance – it was all planned, scheduled and well thought out.  This is one of the many traits Jim the Tolerable inherited from his father.  Thank God.  Left to me, nothing would get done.  I am easily distracted.  Fly by the seat of my pants.  And live in a sea of spontaneity.  We balance each other out.

So, getting back on the train of thought I had when I started this post – Everything is crazy around here.  If you were to look at my calendar on the fridge you would see that pretty much every day had something on it.  Then, throw in a funeral, a sick grandmother, and a social life and we have not been home more than 5 days total this month.  We all feel out of sorts and are ready to just BE HOME.

I’d love to finish this post but I have to get in the shower so we can head out of town to visit my grandmother in the hospital, then to a wedding rehearsal and dinner.  Tomorrow a wedding.

Wake me up when November arrives.

EDITED TO ADD: The night of the wedding we got the call from the hospital that my Grandma passed.  I’m a weird blend of releaved, saddened, and happy for Grandma.  I will miss her but know that she is finally with her beloved Walter.  We stayed “away from home” several more days.  Now maybe will be able to relax at home as a family for a bit.  Time will tell.

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  • Why I Write this Stuff

    My children called me Bobby when they were toddlers due to not being able to prounounce "Mommy." They are now 7 and 8 years old and I am Mommy. But my real name is Mandy. I just do this so I can keep in touch with the REAL me. Being a Bobby is a dream I thought I may never realize and I do not take it for granted. I homeschool (more specifically unschool) my two children and it's easy to lose yourself in the tasts of the day. I just want to make sure that after 19 or so years have passed,and my kids have moved out, I'm not stuck looking in the mirror and squinting in hopes of seeing Mandy again.