Dita Von Teese. Strip Strip Hooray Tour

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As a surprise, my wonderfully awesome husband told me a few weeks ago we were going to Charolette, NC to see the queen of burlesque, Dita Von Teese.  If you don’t know who is she is, do yourself a favor and google her.  She is THE QUEEN of burlesque, a professional, a star!

Dita and her famous martini glass.  Now we understand each other right?

I have a terrible memory and because of that I want to put down, in writing, my experience at this show.  It was a bucket list thing for me so not something I want to ever forget.  So….

nightofshowwithjim

Before we head out to the show!

Jim purchased the most affordable tickets he could (cheap seats).  He apologized when we were on our way that we would have to “stand in the pits” all night.  We wouldn’t have a table.  I didn’t care.  I had been sitting in a car for almost 12 hours. mereadyfordita I welcomed the opportunity to stand.  But, I was curious/concerned as to what “the pit” meant.   We rolled into Charlotte with exactly an hour to check in to our hotel, unload our stuff, get freshened up, dressed and to the event.  Which meant I had about 30 mins to get ready.  This is me after a 12 hour drive so excited!

 

meandstage

One of the only pics from inside the venue. Look how close I am to the stage!

We get to the venue, The Fillmore Charlotte, which is located in the North Carolina Music Factory complex, at 7:15pm local time.   Doors didn’t open until 7:45PM.  We were confused as our tickets said the show was at 7:30pm, but we were happy we weren’t late.  We were told over and over by security and all kinds of signs that no photography or videography would be allowed.  This is why you will see no pics taken by me of the actual performances or Dita from this night.  I wasn’t about to risk getting thrown out.  After the security scanned our tickets, we ask where “the pit” was.  She points to the floor directly in front of the stage and says, “Anywhere on that floor.”  Jim and I stare at each other and Jim asks again, “That floor RIGHT by the stage?”  YES!  I run to grab a spot 3 FREAKING FEET FROM THE FRONT OF THE STAGE, squeal and do a little happy dance.  I was in disbelief.  “Right here?  I’m going to stand right here and see Dita Von Teese?  Shut the hell up!”  I think I left bruises on Jim’s arm from pushing and hitting him (a reaction I have when I’m excited).  Jim asked me if I would like a drink. I told him, “I’m not moving a muscle from this spot but if you want to go get us a drink that’d be awesome.”

While he was getting our drinks I met the couple next to me.  Peaches Divine and her man StageSlave Gavin.  Turns out they are members of a burlesque troupe about 30 mins from Charlotte.  We exchanged niceties, business cards and facebook info.  “Nicky Noir” took a pic with Gavin and he posted and tagged Nicky:

stageslavegavin

StageSlave Gavin told me about how he does a routine with his troupe where he wears assles and twirls them while doing and hand stand!!!  Seriously?!  This dude was awesome.  He also showed me how his pants were made in such a way (by his lovely girlfriend) so that they split up the side.  He explained that he came prepared to get on that stage and perform.  Wore some sort of special outfit, and underwear and everything.  I laughed and said, “On THIS stage?”  He said, “Yea man, you have to always be ready for an opportunity!”

murray hill

Murray Hill and Dita

At 8:30pm a short, stocky man(?) named Murray Hill bursts on stage and I was instantly a fan of his.  His off the cuff banter with the audience, his energy and self-effacing personality made him so fun to watch and listen to.  He said, “I know what you are thinking: ‘Is it a man or a woman.’  The answer is, ‘No.'”  He jabbed at a couple of homosexual men who had “1 Direction” hair,  woman, named Shirley, who was in her 60’s with a cane who brought her daughter and the “Burning Man” beside me (Gavin!!). He made fun of the people sitting 30-40 feet away from us who “Paid $100 more then these people right here.”  Woah, I would have been mad if I was them!  Then, he announces, “Dita Von  Teese is behind this curtain right now guys.”

And the magic began!!!

She started with her world renowned Martini Glass routine. Her costume to start was a complete tuxedo with tails and a top hat.

One thing I noticed about her performance was how slow and deliberate every thing was.  Many times she just walked or stood, in complete command of the stage.  She made eye contact with many of the audience members and once, for a split second, with ME!  And Jim had a moment as well.   She put you in a trance with her slow movements.  She lip synced a song about wanting a man to take his time.  And she did! I couldn’t have turned away if I wanted to.  By the time she actually stripped down to her pasties and g-string, I was a goner and head-over-heels in love with her, the show, and my night.  When she grabbed the olive that was floating in the martini glass and rung it out over her flawless curves I could do nothing.  No screaming.  No jumping.  Just mouth-agape gawking.

The blue, velvet curtains closed, I picked up my jaw up off the ground, exhaled and a Latina senorita, La Cholita, took the stage.  A much rounder woman with a booty, curves and ta-ta’s more on the order I’m used to seeing and she was fabulous!
La Cholita

And I don’t recall exactly who performed in what order but there was Mr. Gorgeous who evidently won the “Best Comedy Burlesque Act” at the New York Burlesque Festival.  He was at least 9 foot tall and wore heels.  A very awesome routine!  He came out as a quirky nerd with glasses, complete with tape in the center, and did a acrobatic comedy burlesque routine with a tiny chair.
Mr Gorgeous

Then there was a Russian femme fatale, Lada Nikolska of the Crazy Horse Paris who performed the iconic Parisian cabaret’s act “leçon d’érotisme.”  The red, velvet lip-shaped couch was just the perfect piece of furniture for this sensual and limber performer.   Yes, it was as hot as it sounds.
Lada_5420web

After that Dita did her “Rhinestone Cowgirl” routine.  The number of Swarovski crystals used on her costume had to be in the hundreds of thousands.  If Ms. Von Teese could ever be called cheeky, she was the most cheeky during the start of this number as she walked around with her pink, crystal encrusted cowboy hat, chaps, holster and yes, even her revolvers.  cowgirlThe way the light reflected off of her was stunning.  Behind her, a (of course) pink upholstered mechanical bull sat.  It looked like an interesting back drop but we all knew what was going to happen.  We didn’t know how awesome it would be though.  Piece by glittery piece, her cowgirl get-up came off in flawless manner until she was left with her hat, a g-string and pasties.
When she finally climbed on top of her bull (which by the way, also had pink, crystal encrusted horns on the front) she tipped her hat and the thing started moving!!!!  Even though I knew to expect it I couldn’t hold in my shouts and whoops.  I can’t even begin to tell you how erotic it was.  If gyrating on a bull could ever be done artistically, with class this was it.  At the very end she laid across the back of the bull and it slowly spun around.  And then….and then…..GLITTER RAINED DOWN ON HER!  It was the mot perfect moment of the show for me.  I mean a photo can’t really capture it but it is as close as I can come to showing you how awesome it was.
image

Intermission – crap did I need it at that point!  My senses were overloaded and I hadn’t moved from my spot for going on 2 hour and had heels on.  I was so enamored with the show I didn’t even notice my feet hurt.  As soon as intermission hit I became aware of myself again.  Peaches, Gavin, Jim and I both had an exchanges of, “Holy shit! Did you just see that?!”  None of us had words.  Who would?  I walked in a daze to the bathroom which I want to mention now the toilets were black.  FANCY 😉  I also noticed in the women’s restroom how large of a concentration of classy, sexy, and very attractive women were at this event.  Men, if you want to see a lot of hot, classy women and see a professional burlesque performance, keep a Dita show in mind.  Seriously.  Beautiful women everywhere!

Act II included some guy name Romeo.  Imagine a French guy (I guess he was hot) in a suit and tie doing a strip.  That was about the extend of it.  I’m not even going to find a pic.

poppycock

Prince Poppycock

Next, Prince Poppycock!  If you saw America’s Got Talent a few years ago, you might recognize him.  He sung an opera “Figaro” type song while burlesquing.  A very enjoyable number indeed.

After this was Murray’s Dance off.  He pulled three people up on stage:  One of the “1 Direction” gay guys, Shirley ( the 60 yr old grandma nurse with a cane) and some guy who looked like a pissed off member of ZZ Top.  1 Direction went first.  Everyone cheered.  They tried to get ZZ Top to dance but he made it abundantly clear that it wasn’t going to happen and he sat back down.  So, Murray, thinking fast, points to “Burning Man” and tells him to get up there.  STAGESLAVE GAVIN WAS DOING WHAT HE HOPED AND PREPARED TO DO ALL ALONG.  He gets up there and I see now that his pants are very, very loose.  He turns around with his back to the crowd, unties some thing on his pants and the back of his pants come off, showing that he is wearing a g-string.  He turns back around and slowly unbuttons his leather vest to reveal silver pasties on his nips.  THEN, reaches behind him to untie the remainder of his pants which fall of the front to show that he is wearing a rainbow “coin purse” over his junk.  Oh my gawk! I lost it.  I laughed so hard and was laughing with Peaches and saying, “I can’t believe he was prepared for THIS!”  Turns out the next day was his 41st and he was getting a big wish granted.  I can’t explain how hilarious this was.  Murray was shocked at what was happening too and said, “I know ALLLLL of you out there think that this is rehearsed but let me promise you…..THIS SHIT JUST HAPPENED!” LOL.  I knew that to be a fact.  After Gavin finished, Shirley went and she was obviously the crowd favorite.   A retired nurse with a cane gyrating to Sexy and I Know It ? No one could beat that!  After the dance off was over, Murray said that Dita had wanted to know who was being chanted by name (she had heard it in the dressing room).  Murray explained Dita asked that she and her daughter come back stage for a meet and greet!  How cool is that?!
Then the magic began AGAIN!

dita-von-teese-pinup-bird-paradise1Dita did her gilded birdcage routine next.  I absolutely loved this routine.  I can’t explain why.  I just loved it so much.  The cage, the costuming (which in all her numbers is amazing), her twin stage maids, the lights, the peacock sculptures that flanked both sides of her cage – all of it was perfect.  At one point, her stage maids went over to two peacock sculptures and “plucked” the tail off of them and handed them to her.  She then, proceeded to OPEN them dance with them.  They were so gorgeous.  The way they moved.  The way she moved with them and placed them on her body.  So beautiful.  I said many curse words throughout this number due to the fact that I couldn’t find any other words.  I want.those.feather.fans!  And the tail feather bussell?  Yea, that too!  Gah!

Finally, it was her Asian inspired Opium Den routine.  It was destined to leave the viewer wondering if they, themselves, had smoke opium.  It started with Dita laying in her fabulous den, puffing on an Asian pipe while fog machines added to the scene.  It was obvious during this routine, probably more than any other, of her training as a dancer.  Her movements….wow.  At the very end, four hands covered in red satin gloves reached through the curtain at the back of the den and rubbed her body slowly and sensually.  Slowly, the music builds.  The hands move faster.  Her movements become more frantic and then finally……BAM, flowers shoot out everywhere to the audience.  It was an obvious simulation of an orgasm and it.was.awesome.  opiumdencollageJim and I caught as many of the flowers as we could and giggled that we caught “Dita’s orgasm.”   I will keep them forever for safe keeping.  Because, although I, personally, didn’t have one for myself, I can say with all honesty I was COMPLETELY SATISFIED when I left the event that night.  Wow.  Bucket list is one item shorter. The 11+ hours in the car to get to her was worth it.

After the show we were very hungry so we walked across the street to a classic diner called “Mattie’s Diner.”  Isn’t she pretty?
mattie's diner
We were surprised and excited to be served by what had to have been Dave Grohl……
davegrohl

As I type this we are stuck in bumper to bumper traffic in Nahsville, TN.  We have been in the car for almost 9 hours thanks to 3 different wrecks and traffic jams and have another 3+ to go.  So ready to be home but we STILL think it’s worth it.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is how good this show was.

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    My children called me Bobby when they were toddlers due to not being able to prounounce "Mommy." They are now 7 and 8 years old and I am Mommy. But my real name is Mandy. I just do this so I can keep in touch with the REAL me. Being a Bobby is a dream I thought I may never realize and I do not take it for granted. I homeschool (more specifically unschool) my two children and it's easy to lose yourself in the tasts of the day. I just want to make sure that after 19 or so years have passed,and my kids have moved out, I'm not stuck looking in the mirror and squinting in hopes of seeing Mandy again.