I think it took a while to set in….in about a month the breadwinner in this household will be without a job.  Yikes!  It’s not like I don’t believe he will get another one right away.  He is so smart and such a good salesperson I know we will land on our feet.  What is scary for me is the unknown.  Will we move?  If so, where?  Closer to my hometown?  Farther away?  In this state?  Will our house sell?  What if it doesn’t?  Can we afford to pay for two houses?  What will he do for a living?  Will he be able to find something he loves to do or is he going to have to “settle” for something he would rather not do?  Will we regret this decision later?  If we have to move, I will have to go about the arduous task of finding a new group of friends (a nightmare!)  Will he make as much as he is making now?  Will our way of life have to change?  Will we drain his 401K and ruin our hopes of him retiring early so we could home school the kids together and traveling?

These are the fears and questions I have swirling through my head. Plus about a thousand more. One thing I am not questioning is whether our marriage will be able to survive this trying time.  That I have no question about.  There is no one else on this Earth I would rather go through a trying time with than Jim.

2003-2004 were years of hard times as we were wondering and asking questions relating to if we would ever be parents.  Now look at us!  We have two beautiful, perfect children (a boy and a girl no less – how perfect is that?) that are only a year and 4 days apart.  I have faith in God that he will continue to surprise us and deliver us from our fears.  I also have faith that the flip side of this coin will be even greater than where we are now.  That’s my prayer anyway.