Rule of 3 – observations of female relationships

Just my opinion, My life, Uncategorized

All my life I have always had many friends.  But like most people, there are few people I would consider my “best friends.”  I have three best friends whom I’ve known since before puberty.  They are the ones that were there during all the pain and wonder of middle and high school.  They were the ones who helped me through first loves, break ups and learning what it meant to be a “woman.”  And I helped them through the same processes.  These are the women whom I asked to stand up with me at my wedding and they asked me.   Together we make 4.  Throughout our adolescence and into adulthood it was a constant rotating of who was sort of “out” of the circle.  It seemed if really we were a rotating circle of 3 with the players changing out of 4 people.  Many times I was the one on the outside of the circle.  As a young woman this would confuse and hurt me but as I’ve grown older, gotten married, had kids and lived a full life I’ve found that this is OK with me now. My role, so-to-speak, is different than that of the other girls in the group.  I know they love me and I love them but I’m just not in the intense circle of life with them.  And that’s OK.  I have absolutely no hurt feelings.  I know if at any time I needed someone in the middle of the night I could call any of them and they would be here in a drop of a hat.  And I think they know that is true for me as well.  One phone call and I will move heaven and Earth to be there for them.  That’s friendship.

As I have moved about the state, I have found myself trying to find new circles of friends.  Once again I found that the “rule of three” in a group of women holds true.  One short stop in Washington proved this true again.  Two women can be wonderful, best friends with absolutely no problems.  Three is OK and with little conflict and a good harmony.  But, throw that 4th woman in and for some reason shit starts flying.  Three team up against one or three stick together and leave one out.  And what’s weird is that “odd woman out” role changes depending on the situation.  Maybe when it comes to how you raise your children woman A,B,C are the circle and D is just out of her mind and doesn’t spank her kids. Or maybe it’s housekeeping.  B,C,D see eye to eye but that woman A?!  She lives in a sty (I mean have you SEEN her kitchen?).  Then maybe on marriage or husbands is A,B,D with C having an asshole of a husband.  How can she put up with him?!  It’s the strangest thing I have ever seen and I KEEP seeing it.

I am now seeing this in my own daughter’s life!  She’s old enough now to have sleepovers.  I will watch them almost as a case study.  4 girls is a recipe for disaster and tears almost every time.  Someone is left out of the game.  Someone doesn’t have a crown to wear.  And it’s always ONE that is out.  Never two against two.  Always three against one.  As a child this is terrible.  As an adult, until you realize what it is, it can still hurt.

If you find yourself as the odd woman out in a group of 4 friends, take heart.  Next week it will be Susie who’s out.  Just know your role and wait for your turn on the roller coaster.

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  • Why I Write this Stuff

    My children called me Bobby when they were toddlers due to not being able to prounounce "Mommy." They are now 7 and 8 years old and I am Mommy. But my real name is Mandy. I just do this so I can keep in touch with the REAL me. Being a Bobby is a dream I thought I may never realize and I do not take it for granted. I homeschool (more specifically unschool) my two children and it's easy to lose yourself in the tasts of the day. I just want to make sure that after 19 or so years have passed,and my kids have moved out, I'm not stuck looking in the mirror and squinting in hopes of seeing Mandy again.