Identity Crisis?

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Through the past several years, my family and I have been through some bad times.  Not terrible really.  Especially in comparison to people dealing with health issues; sick kids; dying spouses.  But, relative comparison to what our lives were like say, 3-4 years ago, it was bad.  Basically, we went broke and homeless for a while.  Yea, big whoop right?

Well, in order to help said situation I started a business.  Since I had two very small children that business had to involve staying home with the kids and doing something I could do with relatively no overhead and FAST.  That business, it turned out, was making hair bows and hair accessories.  “Bows By Miss Mandy” as it was named through organic conversations with friends and customers.  Before long, everywhere I went I was no longer hearing, “Hey Mandy!” but “Hey Miss Mandy!”  It was pretty cool.  I was a brand!  My name was synonymous with a product and my logo was recognizable to a lot more people than I ever thought it would be.  All the BS I learned while getting my BS in business paid off.

I remember starting this blog, long ago so I could keep track of who Mandy was.  I was scared of losing myself and becoming “Bobby” which is what my kids called me in their endearing toddler-speak for “Mommy.”   What I never thought would happen is I would lose myself in a different title.  My identity had become “Miss Mandy.”  I loved it, truly I did but making bows and other hair accessories for other people’s little girls had taken over my every waking hour, thought and idea.  So, when Jim’s job finally allowed it, I closed.  I now have time to volunteer at my kids’ school which I do 3 times a week.  Volunteer for Studio Bee, which is an after school program for all kids locally is also in the works.  I’ve joined a burlesque troupe where I’ve met many unique individuals and have a lot of fun.

And they all lived happily ever after, right?   Well, it would seem so.  But, after only a week of closing I’m left staring at the clock and the mirror asking why they look so odd.  Just today I went to the doctor to have a microdermabrasion (not for only vanity reasons – I have a skin condition) and the aesthetician who came in says in an excited tone, “Miss Mandy!”  It made me proud and then instantly kind of sad.  At some point that will go away.  Then what?

After the success, notoriety and “high” that my business brought me, the fulfillment I used to get from a clean house, laundry that is caught up and a cute flower bed no longer exists.  Can it once again become enough?  Or am I an adrenaline junkie of sorts now?  Time will tell.   For now I’m off to my kids’ school to help with popcorn day.  I’ll figure it out.  I always do.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Christy Lile  •  Apr 2, 2013 @9:38 pm

    I am going to respond to this because I know EXACTLY what that feels like! You THINK that because you love doing something and you can make money at it , it would be fairly easy and enjoyable right? Wrong for me! It takes over everything. I was feeling like I was missing out on so many things. My kids childhood being one of them. I would eat, sleep and breathe clothing designs and sewing for other peoples children when I had no time to do it for my own girls. I too closed and it was the best decision I have ever made. I too love the recognition when I make something cute. Of course it feels good when someone says “Wow! You make that? You are talented!” So, I just make things for my little girls and parade them around town. LOL I laugh but it’s the truth! It’s nice hearing people say how cute my creations are. I am satisfied with that. I hope you are too :)

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  • Why I Write this Stuff

    My children called me Bobby when they were toddlers due to not being able to prounounce "Mommy." They are now 7 and 8 years old and I am Mommy. But my real name is Mandy. I just do this so I can keep in touch with the REAL me. Being a Bobby is a dream I thought I may never realize and I do not take it for granted. I homeschool (more specifically unschool) my two children and it's easy to lose yourself in the tasts of the day. I just want to make sure that after 19 or so years have passed,and my kids have moved out, I'm not stuck looking in the mirror and squinting in hopes of seeing Mandy again.