Reflection

I am blessed

The past year has taught me lessons; put my life into perspective; made me appreciate my family and friends;  matured me; sculpted me; humbled me; gave me more faith and strengthened my marriage.  Would I ever want to do it over again?  Not for a million dollars.  Since this is a public forum I will not air my dirty laundry but lets just say it was hard.  Very, extremely hard.  But when I look back now I can almost see Gods hands creating this situation for me, for us, because honestly, we needed it.  We needed to be shown that guess what?  We don’t have all the answers.  We don’t have shit figured out.  That the friends I had when I was 12 are still the friends I can count on when things are stacked against me.  That my Mother is a saint sent from heaven and I am blessed that she’s mine. That no matter what goes on, what things are said,  in my family, we will always be family and love one another.  That my dog Ripley was the best dog in the history of the world and I still love and miss her.  That my kids are not perfect, I am not perfect, my house is small, my neighborhood isn’t prestigious, my clothes are simple. BUT WHO CARES?!  I’m happier now then when I had it all.  Or when I THOUGHT I had it all.

Through our struggle I somehow grew stronger and more confident and started my own business.  At first as a means to survive and “escape” from reality but now as something I see as a way to love people.  Use a talent (albeit a non-life changing one) to show God’s love, one bow at a time.

I’ve seen my husband….SEEN him.  The man who I knew but sorta lost.  He has amazed me in every way possible.  He’s always been a catch.  A man women wish their husband was like.  But THIS Man, this Jim, is beyond anything I could imagine.  His support and belief in me is how anything I do is possible.  He tells me daily that I’m a wonderful mother.  That he’s proud of me and my business.  That I’m beautiful.  But, I only wish I could express to him that HE is the impressive one.  He is the most caring, giving, self-sacrificing man, husband and father my eyes have ever seen.  There is nothing that he can’t do and I know that even though we have landed on our feet, we will not only be “ok” but FLOURISH with him at the head of this family.

The lesson that I learned is oddly one that I’ve known all along.  “The most precious things in life aren’t things.”  Funny thing is that in the old beat-up, shot gun house on Virginia Street that served as my first actual house when I rented it in college was a small wood  heart with this saying painted on it.  I took this little memento with me when I moved out of that house and I have carried it with me in every apartment, duplex, and house I’ve ever lived in since then.  But now, as it sits on my window sill and I do the dishes in this little house (because there is no dishwasher) I realize just how true that really is.

Thank you God.

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  • Why I Write this Stuff

    My children called me Bobby when they were toddlers due to not being able to prounounce "Mommy." They are now 7 and 8 years old and I am Mommy. But my real name is Mandy. I just do this so I can keep in touch with the REAL me. Being a Bobby is a dream I thought I may never realize and I do not take it for granted. I homeschool (more specifically unschool) my two children and it's easy to lose yourself in the tasts of the day. I just want to make sure that after 19 or so years have passed,and my kids have moved out, I'm not stuck looking in the mirror and squinting in hopes of seeing Mandy again.