3 Comments

1. Bon  •  Jun 17, 2008 @10:39 am
   

   it is a terrible feeling on both sides, i think (at least for me, having been on both sides)…the discomfort and confusion of having to own my own privilege, and the raw ache of having to face my own sheer grief and absences.

   the conclusion i’ve come to, for what it’s worth, is that none of us are special (or we all are, but that just sounds trite). not that i’m sure there is a god, or not, just that…the luck is not parcelled out that way, based on worthiness or specialness. we walk our paths, i believe…and guilt over luck when it comes does no one any good. we never know what’s coming tomorrow, after all.

   sensitivity, though, to others’ pain (and you have plenty of that)…that does spread good in the world, IMO.

2. Carol McMurrich  •  Jun 17, 2008 @7:58 pm
   

   Here’s the thing: You don’t even have to feel guilty, not one bit. Because, as another babylost mama, I will say, that even the fact that you have verbalized this means that you have allowed Liam to do his work here on earth: you have allowed him to let you see your children for who they is, a miracle. None of us babylost mamas would wish our babies gone to achieve this end, but it always makes me smile in a sad, sad way when I realize that my baby, or Kate’s baby, or anyone’s baby for that matter, has done the most noble work of teaching another mama not to take her child for granted. Not taking a child for granted does not mean that you do not get angry, or frustrated, and it doesn’t mean that you don’t enjoy an afternoon to yourself every now and then. But it does mean that at night, when they are asleep, you look at them and tears spring to your eyes, because you know they might not be here. And it means that when you are angry, because you will be, that you hug them afterwards and realize it won’t really matter in 10 minutes, because it won’t. It means that you understand the value of their life in a little bit of a different way. And perhaps you are there.

3. Kim  •  Jun 18, 2008 @12:21 am
   

   I just love Carol’s comment! I too feel guilty at times, but it seems there is always a way to find someone who is worse or better off than you. And most times there is no rhyme or reason to any of it. I love to read blogs – many of them leave me in tears of both sadness and happiness. I think that us opening up our minds and hearts to others will only make the world a better place. A world full of more understanding and more compassion. I look at the losses I have suffered as teachings to me. I never, ever, take my kids for granted and not a day passes that I do not catch myself just starting at them in total awe. But at the same time we would not be human if we didn’t get angry or rely on the tv or run out the door when hubby appears from work! I think it is important for our kids to see we have interests apart from them and for them to see us get upset and then be okay teaches them how to deal with stress too! You are a great mom and I know that you cherish those kiddos with all that you have. So, go ahead and run the store alone and get that manicure and hair cut without guilt! No one said anything about missing them to pieces, just no guilt! lol

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