At dinner tonight Jackson spontaneously broke out in story.  This is the first time this has happened and OH, how I hope it isn’t the last.  At the fresh age of 4 this is what he told us.

(I am trying to remember this and although there are parts that I am sure are word for word, it was too long to remember exactly, but I think I came close.  Also, HE named this story…not me.  I also wish I had this on video because the animated way he used his hands to explain his story was priceless).

“The Tortoise and the Hair Cut”
by Jackson W. Schneider

Once upon a time there was a tortoise and a hare.  The hare had one REEEALY long hair on his head (holds hands as high above his head as he can reach).  They needed to go to the barber shop and get a hair cut.  But, the hare was scared.  So the tortoise put the hare in a wheel chair and pushed him to the barber shop.  Once they got there the hair cut guy cut the hare’s hair.  Then he saw he had a big ear wax in his ear.  The hair cut guy got tweezers, but not the kind that hurt (hold hand in pincher style making tweezers motion).  These kind have sponges that are screwed on to the tweezers with big screws so they soft.  He got the ear wax (”POP”) out.

Now it was the tortoise’s turn.  He did great.  Then they got circle bubble gum (gum ball) for going to the barber shop.

Then they went home where they lived happily every after.

THE END

(Huge Smile)

Really?  Am I the only one that sees it for what it is?  This balloon boy who the world held their breath for…the one who was supposedly in the home-made helium balloon flying through the air over Colorado.  Yea, that one.  It was a hoax!  But not by the tween aged brothers of Falcon (ha ha) Heene.  IT WAS DISNEY.

They are in the process of remaking the 1986 sci-fi movie, Flight of the Navigator. The Heene family, known from their appearance on “Wife Swap” (an ABC show which is owned by…wait for… DISNEY) as a science loving (I read crazy tornado chasing, granola eating) family, were commissioned by the multi-billion dollar company to raise awareness to the original movie.

Am I the only one that sees the resemblance?  Yes, I broke this story - not Fox New or CNN.  Tell your family and friends….

Mickey….you have gone too far this time!

You know what I want?  I want a friend like women, more particularly housewives and mothers, had in the 50’s.  I know the women liberation was a wonderful thing and I am so glad we are now given the choice of what we want to do with out lives.  I choose to stay home, raise my kids, take care of my home and my husband (rarrrl).  Now, there are several things that arise that, for women like me, the “women in the workplace” has affected negatively.  I am not going to get into the whole debate about whether or not kids suffer from having a Mom work outside the home because, although I care, I kind of don’t.  I just know what is best for MY family.  So, the negative affect?

I want that friend who lives across the street or next door. The one that comes over for coffee before either of us have  even showered, and that’s OK.  The one whom I do not think twice about the underwear on the bathroom floor, dishes in the sink, or cracker crumbs all over the dining room when she comes over.  The old addage “Mi Casa Su Casa” is true.  The one who’s kids I can scold and who I expect to spank my kids if needed because we are helping each other with the daunting task of making these little monsters into well behaved and respectful adults.

The hilarious woman next door whom if I am in the middle of cooking pancakes at 8am and am out of eggs (ok for a minute pretend I don’t use boxed pancake mix) I can run over, knock on the door once, let myself in, tell her why I’m there and run in the kitchen and grab an egg.  All the while setting up plans to go yard selling this weekend.  Then leave and it not be WEIRD.  Someone who after our kids are older we would still have those morning coffees.  No judgment is made about how we raise our kids because we basically have the same ideas about the important things in life.  We love our husbands, our kids, our God and each other.

Do friendships like this exist today?  My Mom had a friend like that - actually several.  I was named after one of them and it was just accepted when Candy came over Mom was going to be in a better mood the rest of the day.  They would laugh together - oh how they would laugh.  My Mom, and therefore her children, were better for having Candy and her kids as a part of our family.

I have houses on all sides of me but none of the women are stay-at-home Mom’s.  And that sucks!  So, this is how the liberation of women has effected my life negatively….

A blog, in a way, is a person’s journal; a diary if you will.  Yet, it is public for everyone to read so. This makes the author write stories less from the heart, less true.  This is true in my case anyway.  Someone whom I have never met or someone who knows me inside and out may stumble upon (literally) my blog and read something that hurts them or makes them like me less.  Therefor, I write this blog through that constant filter. But, this time I’ve decided to say what I’m really feeling  just to get it OUT.  Chances are the “liking me less” will happen with this one.

My husband has gone back to “work.”  When I say “work” I do not mean that he did not work before.  Nothing could be further from the truth. He worked his butt off and gave handicapping his best.  But, time and money ran out and now we are where we knew it could end up.  He has returned to a “regular” job.  He is selling BMW’s, Mercedes, Audi’s, VW’s and other such cars in a city over and hour away.  He leaves the house at 9am and gets home around 10pm five nights a week.  It is something that is taking some time adjusting to.  My kids are missing him so badly and I a missing my partner.

Jim and I had such a wonderful system worked out.  The housework was evenly divided (well, ok, Jim did more than I did).  I was able to focus on the kids in a way I know most Mom’s would love to be able to do.  I wasn’t bogged down with what to cook or supper, or going to the grocery store.  My entire job was making sure the kids were clean, happy and learning about this big world around them.  The kids got the wonderful opportunity to bond with their father for an entire year.  Their relationship grew stronger than I ever thought possible.

I’m adjust back to where most Moms are.  I am cleaning house, doing laundry, cooking, managing the household and then, when there is time, spending time with the kids.  I do my best.  We had a puppet show today and Jackson helped me make the puppets. It was a fun time but one that I felt my nerves almost would not handle.  Jackson didn’t really want to make the puppets all that bad.  He glued a few of the spots on the dog but then lost interest.  All he wanted to do was play with the puppets.  OK fine, I can deal with that…then all he wanted to do was destroy them, tear down the makeshift puppet stage we had built together.  I had spent nearly half an hour cutting eyes, ears, whiskers, etc out of colored paper for this wonderful activity that he and I could do together.

But I find my mind saying things like, “This kid ruins everything we try to do for him…everything.”  My mind goes through the countless times we have taken the kids to various outings (tractor shows, zoo, children’s museum, etc) when his behavior made a time that should have been full of happiness, seeped in anger and frustration. I try to not think this way. He’s 3 and for someone who does not live with him or know him that just sounds plain mean but you come walk a mile in my house and then we will talk.

I love that boy with all my heart.  I prayed daily for him to come into my life before I ever met him.  I just have days when I don’t like being around him very much and I am sure the feeling is mutual.  He is over-the-top hyper, can be mean, destructive, and hateful.  Since Daddy went to work it’s like all those bad traits are overtaking all the wonderful traits he has.  I no longer have the threat of “going to get your father” like I used to.  It is as if, to Jackson, all bets are off and he can run around here like an insane child; bouncing off the couch, kicking me and his sister, screaming, running around, taking off all his clothes, peeing his pants, etc, etc ETC! He recently got kicked out of preschool.  Well, “kicked out” is a bit harsh.  The teachers just don’t have the time or energy to deal with him when they have 20 other students to try to teach.  I understand that.  I would probably say the same thing.  He is HARD to deal with.

All the while I am literally at the end of my rope.  Contemplating wrapping it around my neck to make it all stop!  Now don’t get all “crime watch” on me and call the police.  I would never actually do anything to myself or my children.  I am merely saying, IT’S BAD right now.   I’m hoping this new “evil Jackson” is just because he is not used to Daddy being gone.  Dear God, that’s my prayer anyway.

I love him, he is a hilarious little boy who is full of ideas and some good ones are in there too!  I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong, how to make him stop, slow down and be a good boy…..

There are some great programs on the network A&E.  My personal favorite is “Intervention.” Recently a new show was introduced called “Hoarders.”   It follows two individuals who suffer from OCD and anxiety that is centered in the “stuff” of their lives.  One collected animals to the point that she was facing prison time for animal cruelty because she had more cats than she even knew she had and they were dying of starvation.  Yet, she loved them dearly.  Another hoarded TRASH.  Honest to goodness garbage.  Others it is their treasures from their childhood or dead mother.

Watching these shows usually makes my skin crawl at the environment these people exist in.  You can’t really say they “live in” because a human being can’t really live in that state.  They merely exist.

I am pretty sure that at some level my father is a honest-to-goodness hoarder.  My Mom keeps his disease at bay by pitching things when he is at work. LOL.  The man can not bring himself to throw away an empty pack of cigarrettes.  He places them on the table DIRECTLY above the trash can but that extra 12 inches space seems entirely too large for him to cross.  So, my Mom throws it away when she sees it laying there.  It is that way with pretty much everything else.  I dread and hope I never see the day when Mom passes before Dad and he is in that house alone.  I am POSITIVE his home will look like those poor, sad people on “Hoarders.”  And what’s even more sad is who do you think is going to be sorry sap that has to go in and try to clear a path for my father to go to the bathroom?   Yea, that’s right.  Me.  The only daughter.  (a position that has SOO many perks but also so many draw backs).

With all of this said, it seems I got the opposite of the hoarding gene.  I can not stand clutter.  And it seems the older I get the more I seem to “see” the clutter.  Recently I have been a woman on a mission.  We are about to have a yard sale to “declutter” our home as well as make some extra dollars.  I am pretty sure I am probably selling stuff that at some point down the road I will wish I still had. But, I do not care. It is just STUFF.

The most precious things in life aren’t things!

Over past six months I have been wrapped up in things that kept me away from the areas I love.  Hobbies if you will.  My love affair with all things Web 2.0 (which, by the way, was the MILLIONTH word in the English dictionary) has been ignored.  Six months where the internet is concerned is more like 3 years anywhere else.  Thing change so rapidly, go out of favor and get updated that I came back into it feeling like a “normal” internet user.  Not the link obsessed, blog writing, podcast listening, tweeting, meme hunting,  Leo Laporte following girl I am!

Now, I am back and learning about new start up sites and companies that excite me.  We live in a revolutionary time where technology is advancing so rapidly that it feels impossible to keep up but I have fun trying (or did and now do again).  I feel blessed to live in this time in history.  A time where things are being invented and created faster than EVER before.  The Technological Revolutionary Period?  Maybe they will call it that in the history books. I would just like to part of this wonderful time we live in.  I do not pretend to understand how everything is created and have never written a line of code (well except that one time in Junior High when I learned to move a “snake” from one side of the screen to the other) and only dabble in CSS enough to make myself nuts.  But, when you learn that there is technology right now in which you can point your camera phone at an object and some how, SOME WAY you are told what you are looking at and given a little info about that object it is hard not to get excited and want to learn more.

I am also starting to get my body back in shape.  I have been working out at the gym 3-5 days a week, living a more active life and trying HARD to create a diet for myself that I can live with and still enjoy some fries and a big ol’ steak from time to time.  Still a work in progress but I am seeing results.  Inches and pounds have been lost and a LOT of sweat has been shed.  I am slowing….FINALLY seeing a body I recognize and not the “fun house mirror” body I had below my neck for the last several years.

I actually LIKE to run now.  For someone who does not know me this may not seem that strange but my motto previously had been, “I do not run unless someone is chasing me with a knife or announced free cheesecake.”

While combing through some websites I revisited one I used to visit a lot called “Waxy Links.”  It was here that I found a product that is a marriage of technology and staying in shape/running:  The Nike +.  I told you I have not had my finger off the pulse of things for a while!  I know this is not “breaking news” to most of you out there but last night was my first time hearing of it.

In case there are those of you out there as behind on the times as I am here is a little video about how it works.  Click on “What is Nike+?”  I am just amazed at it.

How cool is it that I could be running, start feeling like my feet have lead weights in them, begin slowing down when my Nike+ sensor beams a signal to my iPod to play one of my “Power Songs” to motivate me to keep chugging?   I’m thinking “Pump It” by the Black-eyed Peas……

Oh wait - I just realized, Nike was able to invent something that helps me not only get in better shape while using kick ass technology but also gives me a reason to buy new shoes!  I think I just came a little…..

I just had this really weird and realistic dream.  I dreamed that I met this person whom I had a deep emotional connection to.  We grew to know each other very well.  Then something happened and that person began to change.  I didn’t know why it was happening but it was very real to me that it was happening.  When I would ask this person why this was happening I would be met with “I’m not changing.”  Over and over again.  In my heart of hearts I knew it WAS happening and felt hurt and saddened that no recognition of my feelings were being had.  How could a person I knew suddenly turn into someone else and then say I wasn’t seeing what I was seeing?  It made me sad, mad, confused, and angry.

Finally, after saying it time and time again I lost my temper and said things that didn’t do anyone any good.  Quite the opposite.  My pain had manifested itself as anger.  I said things I didn’t know I was capable of saying.  Then - things ended.

I want to go back to sleep and recreate this dream and do things differently but no matter how hard I try, I can’t.   Ever done that?

It was weird……

Tonight, I had one of the tenderest moments I have ever had with my son and one that I will cherish for the rest of my life.  One that to guarantee I remember exactly what was said I am going to write it down only minutes after it happened while it’s still fresh in my mind.

Every night I sing Jackson the same songs, in the same order to sooth him into a slumber.  Sometimes he falls asleep, sometimes he does not but it’s our routine.  The routine is:

Amazing Grace

Away in a Manger (Jackson calls “no crib for a bed”)

Silent Night

Jesus Loves the Little Children (the “colors song”)

Jesus Loves You

Hush Little Baby

Tonight after I sang the last song he asked for me to sing another song.  I agreed but bargained that after that he would go to sleep. I sang the shortest one; Jesus Loves the Little Children.

It was after this that our moment happened:

Jackson:  I wanna talk to Jesus

Me: Go ahead buddy, you can talk to him where ever and when ever you want.  He’s everywhere you are.

Jackson: Where is He?

Me:  He lives in Heaven.

Jackson:  Where is that?

Me:  It’s in the sky with God.  He can look down from Heaven and see you and be with you where ever you are.

Jackson: How do we get to Heaven?

Me: (I thought for split second about talking about repentance, baptism, and being born again but thought it wasn’t age appropriate just yet) Well, when you get really old, like Granny, you will fall asleep and when you wake up you will be with Jesus in Heaven.  That’s where Granny is now!  She’s in Heaven with Jesus.

(several seconds go by of pondering silence)

Jackson:  “That’s a GREAT IDEA!’

He then rolled over and fell asleep, instantly.  I laid there just looking at him amazed at how even with as young as he is, so pure and honest, yet he can believe.  It’s so hard for adults to do sometimes…..

For 5 days and 6 nights I have been surrounded by sick people.  Even worse, those people are people within my house.  And even worse, those people are the little people I hold so dear.  Which means I have been sneezed, cried, climbed, and puked on. Although one of my God given gifts is empathy I have a hard time having sympathy for sick people.  Especially when I am the one who is expected to jump every time someone says “Mommy.”  I had two babies a year and four days apart.  They are a month from being 2 and 3 years old but this week has been more draining and more taxing on my psyche and nerves than when Alex was a new born and Jackson was a year old.  I was blessed with sleepers (more or less).  So, I have never really had to go through all the sleepless nights or colicky stuff.  Thank God.

It is due to this past week I have seriously, and honestly been considering (along with my husband of course) about being done, fin Ito, finished, over, and completed having kids.  I have always thought one more child was in the future.  I have had the vision of my little brunette, brown-eyed little boy named Max.  But, after this last event I wonder I am cut out to be a mom of more than the two I have. And even those two, I wonder if they didn’t get a raw deal getting me.  I just feel like throwing myself through a window or fleeing like a thief in the night.  I am a woman who needs her sleep.  Ask anyone who knows me.  So, these nights of 2-3 hours of interrupted sleep for the past 5 nights is causing me to go a little batty (left eye twitches).

These little people, they don’t really know sick etiquette.  The idea of covering their mouth when they sneeze so Mighty Putty does not pelt from their nostrils?  Does not occur to them.  Even when Mom is only inches from their face.  Evidently, just crying seems to be the only thing they can do to tell you what is wrong.  Even when they can talk!  Jackson knows his planets, ABC’s, can count to 30, etc but try to get him to tell you what’s wrong when it’s 3 am and he is upset.  I just go down the checklist just like I used to when he was a baby.

Alex will wake up wringing wet but try and change her clothes and you will hear something of the same decibel as a fire truck siren.  Seriously, it sounds like I am beating the poor child.

Think anyone will take care of me IF I get sick?  I may just go to Mommy’s house LOL.  I guess we never get to clock out of this job huh? LOL.

My family and I are enduring the winter storm of 2009.  A foot of snow over a two day period.  I am not one of these people who have some romantic relationship with the white stuff. Quite the opposite.  I hate the cold, the ice, the snow, and anything relating to these three things.  I hate that I have to spend half an hour bundling my kids up to go outside and play, only to return to the warm haven of our home after 20 minutes of play, crying, and falling down.  All of you who “cannot wait” for snow can have this crap.  I will take Scottsdale, Arizona thank you very much.

But, in all this maddening time stuck inside, blinded by the white sheet reflectors that lay all over the ground,  I have time to reflect, think and meditate.  Or maybe it is called losing your sanity…

We all have times when we wish we knew God had us in His hand.  That He was with us, guiding our future and had our best interest at heart.  There are times when all of us think He is absent, gone, or worse, punishing us.  Surly a loving God would not leave us stranded to go along in this world alone.  No, He would not.  He takes care of us even when we cannot see or feel Him.

It is similar to a snowflake.  If you just look at it with the naked eye it appears to be simply a small, round, fluffy ice falling to the ground.  One piles an other and all we (or I) see is the obstacles all these flakes cause in our lives. I have to shovel, scrape, and weeze my way to the mailbox.  Driving is difficult.  It makes even the most mundane exercise a challenge.

But, under a microscope you see just how much God has control of the situation.  Those mountains and mounds of snow piled in the bank parking lot are created by millions of tiny snow flakes.  Flakes, that when seen under a microscope, are intricate, detailed, unique and most of all, beautiful.  More importantly, they are obviously planned, created, and formed.

If He can have control over the smallest detail such as the design of a snowflake crystal and make it look so perfect time after time after time, why then, do we doubt that he has ultimate control, power and only the best in mind for our lives?  Something so intricate that only HE could create.  He can form us and our lives into something equally beautiful.

He’s got this…..